Aquarius (the water bearer)

January 20-- February 18

1) You are distinguished for what you know.

2) Someday you will go far, and everyone wants you to stay there.

3) Dogs love you, but only when they hump your leg.

4) You will meet a tall dark strangler in the dark.

5) Everyone's entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege.

6) You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

7) Some people like you but only for the false image they have of you.

8) At parties, when people tell you they had a wonderful evening, it wasn't the evening with you they were talking about.

9) In the dictionary, a picture of you appears under the word "ugly."

10) When Mars aligns with Venus, you will die.

11) Aquarius people are great at holding their water (why do you think they're called water bearers?)

12) Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

13) Indeed, you are distinguished for what you know, but everything you know is wrong.

Best career moves: water bearer, fish baiter, golden shower porn actor