Cancer (the crab)

June 21-- July 22

1) You are sensitive and creative. (see 8 below)

2) Your life would be so much better if you'd gotten enough oxygen at birth.

3) People really have to get to know you to dislike you.

4) You're so cheap you'd consider getting rubber pockets just so you could steal soup.

5) The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

6) You have achieved the perfection of a circle... a perfect asshole that is.

7) The best part of you ran down your mother's legs.

8) You are sensitive because you cry a lot and creative when you lie a lot.

9) If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.

10) You are not only dull yourself, but you're the cause of dullness in others.

11) Don't feel bad when people accuse you of being dumber than an ox. You are just as smart as an ox.

12) On the path of life, you chose the psycho-path.

13) You were born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen..

Best career moves: prostitute, bathroom tissue paper tester, jizz mopper in a porn theater