Leo (the lion)

July 23-- August 22

1) You were born a leader.

2) When people call you a lion, they mean you're a lyin'.

3) When someone tries to see things from your perspective, they can't get their head that far up their ass.

4) People find you fascinating because you're so ugly; they stare at you in fascination.

5) You have a brilliant head, but only after shaving and polishing it.

6) When people feel miserable, it's just like having you around.

7) It's said that little things affect little minds. You have nothing to worry about because you have no mind.

8) You're strong as a lion alright. The strong stench of lion feces that is.

9) Your flatulence is so great that gas companies make bids for your mineral rights.

10) If your dad had just pulled out, the world would be so much better!

11) What has a tiny brain, a big mouth, and an opinion nobody cares about? You!

12) The only reason you're alive is because it is illegal to shoot people.

13) Maybe you were born a leader, but you'll die a caboose.

Best career moves: sewage transporter, garbage collector, butt-plug tester