Sagittarius (the archer)

November 22-- December 21

1) You are attractive.

2) You make people happy.

3) What you don't know can't hurt you. That's why you've never been hurt.

4) You have a smile like the silver plate on a coffin.

5) You like to wear clothing that never goes out of style; they look ridiculous year after year.

6) The genes responsible for your brain comes from millions of years of not thinking.

7) You will look great when you're older. Unfortunately it will come from a cosmetic undertaker.

8) Yes you are attractive alright, but only to flies because you smell like shit.

9) Indeed you make people happy-- whenever you leave.

10) You often fall asleep while having sex.

11) The majority of Sagittarians are psychopathic.

12) After all these years, you still have the mind of a child-- stupid.

13) You don't give a crap-- that's why you're constipated.

Best career moves: dog poop collector, underwear stain remover, replasterer of unpopular glory holes