Taurus (the bull)

April 20-- May 20

1) You are practical and persistent.

2) You have a high capacity brain.

3) Taurus people do not use toilet paper.

4) You have the power of conversation but not of speech.

5) If you bored a hole in your head, bullshit would run out.

6) As you age, your ears will begin to look like a taxicab with both doors open.

7) You have nothing to worry about because you have no mind to worry with.

8) People can't believe that out of the millions of your father's sperm, you were the quickest.

9) You are practical alright, as practical as eating soup with a fork and with the persistence of a nosebleed.

10) You have a high capacity brain because it's full of male bovine excrement.

11) Try to smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

12) Some people make people happy wherever they go; you on the other hand make people happy when you leave.

13) Your ignorance covers the world like a well made blanket; there's not a hole in it to be found.

Best career moves: the loser in pro-wrestling matches, brain donor, cat walker