Virgo (the Virgin)

August 23-- September 22

1) You have a mathematical ability.

2) You have a flair for certain things.

3) You're as good as your word, but your word is no good.

4) The rumor that Virgo's are virgins is true.

5) Virgo's have tiny genitals; that's why they are virgins.

6) Virgo's make good choir singers, eunuchs, and nuns.

7) You have a winning smile because your teeth look like a checkered flag.

8) The mathematical ability you have is that of a Clydedale.

9) The certain things you have a flair for, unfortunately, are your nostrils.

10) If stupidity were a crime, you'd be sentenced to death.

11) You have such an open mind that your brains fell out.

12) You are a water bug on the surface of life.

13) YOU - Off my planet.

Best career moves: "Before" model in before-and-after ads, live target at a gun range, slave